If you are struggling with untreated trauma, you might not realize the hidden effects of trauma in relationships. Untreated or unprocessed trauma can make its way into your personal relationships and even impact professional relationships.
The Hidden Effects of Trauma in Relationships
So, what are the three hidden effects of trauma in relationships?
#1: Trust Issues
Perhaps the biggest and most obvious are trust issues. Previous traumatic experiences can make it very difficult for an individual to fully trust their partner, even when their partner shows genuine love and concern.
This can have a creeping effect on relationships, making one partner constantly suspicious in their relationship.
For example:
John was happily married to his high school sweetheart for ten years when he learned that she had been cheating on him for half that time and that all of her ‘business trips’ were actually trips to meet up with his best friend, who was also the best man at their wedding.
So now, when John’s new girlfriend says she has to travel for business, he becomes suspicious immediately. This causes him to become irritable and lash out at her before she leaves, and when she comes back, he calls and texts repeatedly and demands that she keep in constant contact while she is away.
#2: Overreactions
Trauma can lead to the development of triggers. Triggers refer to any situation, person, or location that cause emotional distress. This distress can be severe enough that it results in emotional outbursts or overreactions that are disproportionate to the event or circumstance.
For example:
Mary was the victim of sexual assault when she was younger, so now, one of her triggers is men physically trapping her.
When at a church function, Mary opened her car door to grab something but when she turned around, there were two other men, a father and his teenage son, standing about two feet away from her, the father with his hand on her open car door as they had approached her to talk about joining the choir.
Mary, triggered, immediately screamed for them to move out of her way and ran off.
To the father and son, this seemed like an overreaction to them approaching her in a crowded church parking lot full of other church members.
#3: Intimacy Issues
Unprocessed trauma can also lead to intimacy issues. It is not uncommon for someone with trauma in their past to want intimacy but to subconsciously sabotage any attempts at intimacy by either physically or emotionally withdrawing because they don’t want to get hurt again.
For example:
Tina wants nothing more than to be close to her partner. Whenever her partner starts to open up emotionally, though, Tina makes fun of them, calls them names, or makes other belittling comments to stay in control. Tina doesn’t realize why she’s doing this, but she knows that she doesn’t want to get hurt again, and if she can get the other person to say something sweet or do something intimate, but she doesn’t reciprocate, she ‘wins’ and is therefore slightly more protected than the partner.
EMDR Treatment for Trauma
One of the most popular forms of treatment today for trauma and PTSD is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprogramming, or EMDR. Used by the WHO and Department of Veterans Affairs, EMDR has the highest success rate of all trauma treatment.
It works by reprocessing the way in which traumatic memories are stored and, in so doing, overcomes many of the triggers and subsequent symptoms of PTSD. For many, the appeal is not just the success rate but the fact that, unlike traditional trauma therapy, EMDR does not require you to sit and talk about the traumatic event in great detail with a therapist but rather to just recall it in your mind as you follow specific eye movements.
This is best when it is part of a comprehensive treatment plan, including other modalities that encourage emotional resilience and coping skill development like CBT, ACT, mindfulness and meditation, art therapy, and music therapy.
Getting Trauma-Treatment with The Differents
At The Differents, we give clients a chance to heal from trauma in a remote, beautiful setting with a range of on-and-off-site activities. At our luxury addiction treatment center, we provide a high-level of ancillary services for our clients too including legal case management, financial support, and family support.
When you work with us, we ensure you participate in individual and group therapy each week, with additional activities like:
- Mindfulness and Meditation
- Art Therapy
- Music Therapy
- Adventure Therapy
- Horticulture Therapy
- Equine Therapy
- Sound Therapy
With our EMDR therapy, you can treat unresolved trauma and move beyond the hidden effects of trauma in relationships.
