Trauma bonds can happen in many relationships, including romantic or familial relationships, between friends or coworkers, or more severe situations like hostages and cults. With any of these, the relationship is characterized by cycles wherein there is strong positive reinforcement or reconciliation followed by abuse. There must also be a distorted power balance between the two people.
When relationships start to build in this manner with cycles of abuse and then positive reinforcement, it creates dependency, confusion, and strong emotional attachment: a trauma bond.
When Do Trauma Bonds Happen?
Trauma bonds can happen in any situation where sub-themes of a power imbalance, distorted love, intensity, and an inability to escape occur. This can happen with sex trafficking, kidnap victims, cult victims, or in relationships with family members, partners, or friends.
For several decades, psychologists have studied traumatic bonding theory as it relates to emotional attachments in abusive relationships. These studies have found that women, in particular, can develop a strong emotional attachment in a situation where there is intermittent abuse, emotional or physical.
How to Break a Trauma Bond
If you have found yourself in a situation where you are experiencing these cycles, it’s important for you to reach out and get help in breaking the trauma bond, especially if that bond involves things like colts, kidnapping, forced drug use, and physical abuse.
Step #1: Recognizing the Bond
The first step in breaking a trauma bond is recognizing that you have one. If you and your spouse get into a heated argument and then reconcile a few times per year, this is not the same.
But if you get into an altercation with someone and they are abusive and hold power over you, and then they reconcile, you might be closer to what is defined as a trauma bond.
It is always best to speak with a therapist about the dynamics of your relationship if you are unsure. You should also learn to identify the emotional and behavioral attachments that you have to someone you see as a source of your trauma or abuse.
Step #2: Set Boundaries
In traditional relationships with friends, family, or partners, if you recognize that there is a potential trauma bond, it’s important that you start setting boundaries.
If you are in a dangerous situation, you must create a plan to get out of that abusive situation in as safe and efficacious a way as possible.
Step 3: Have Support
You need to build support as you are learning to limit or eliminate contact with someone, working on self-care and healing, and reinforcing your boundaries. Breaking a trauma bond is no simple matter, which is why you should work with a therapist who can help you navigate this process, participate in support groups, and build a support system of friends and family you trust.
Learn How to Break a Trauma Bond with The Differents
At The Differents, we offer a world-class, luxury drug and alcohol rehab center in Reno. We offer multiple levels of care, including withdrawal management for those who are struggling with trauma bonds and addiction.
Our team understands the importance of cultivating creativity in recovery by way of holistic programs and experienced staff members. Our therapies include things like:
- Outdoor Therapy
- Holistic Treatment
- IV Infusions
- Recreational Therapy
- CBT
- EMDR
- Motivational Interviewing
- Yoga/Pilates
- MeRT/TMS
With a 1:3 staff-to-client ratio, we work with you as you transition through your outpatient programs for mental health and addiction treatment, including trauma programs. Our team will help you in your individual and group therapy sessions to recognize where trauma bonds might exist and break them in a healthy fashion.
Reach out to us today for guidance on how to break a trauma bond.
FAQs
Can you have intimate relationships after breaking a trauma bond?
Yes, it is completely possible to have healthy, intimate relationships with new partners if you have left an abusive situation and broken a trauma bond. It is important that you don’t try to jump into a new relationship right away but rather that you focus on self-compassion, prioritizing your needs, rebuilding your self-esteem, and working toward personal healing.
What are the stages of breaking a trauma bond?
The main three stages are recognizing that you have a trauma bond, getting out of that relationship and creating distance, and rebuilding your life from there with proper support and self-care.
It is important to recognize that these steps don’t necessarily happen immediately. If you recognize that you are in an abusive relationship and you have a trauma bond, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s emotionally easy for you to pull away from someone you might feel you love. This will take time as you have to challenge your existing thoughts and reframe the way you think and feel. Working with a qualified therapist can make this a little easier, but it’s important that you practice patience.
Similarly, deciding to set boundaries or distance yourself might start with simple measures while you are still in the relationship and eventually become a complete removal of any contact with that person.
How do you release trauma from the body?
At our treatment center, we know that your body can hold on to emotional damage, especially from trauma bonds. When you participate in our outpatient programs, we incorporate therapeutic approaches like mindfulness, yoga, meditation, and energy work to help you move that tension and trauma from the body.
The more you work on your emotional detox, removing the effects of trauma in the body, the better positioned you will be to set new goals and support yourself in personal growth.
Do trauma bonds ever go away?
Remember that the strong emotional bond created through a traumatic cycle is considered strong for a reason. You will be able to break that bond eventually, but it might take months or years for it to fully break apart and for you to focus on building healthy relationships and engaging in self-care that propels you forward.
It is important that you prioritize your physical and emotional well-being rather than holding yourself to a strict timeline in your recovery. If you have struggled with a trauma bond, mental health disorders, and/or addiction, it will take even longer to get you through things like withdrawal and recovery, but it is certainly possible with the right support.
